Near Death and Back
Through regression and dreams, I have, on many occasions, visited timeless places. The most compelling and life-changing event, however, was when I had a near-death experience.
My father had died a few years earlier, and because I was unable to accept or deal with his passing, I’d completely depleted my immune system. The condition I developed, Common Variable Immune Deficiency (CVID), caused me to be prone to chronic infections, some of which were so virulent that they were totally debilitating. For six months straight, I experienced a terrible virus that inflamed my lungs and gave me ongoing asthma and sinus problems.
It was a serious condition, and I hadn’t realized that it was related to internalizing my grief and rage over my father’s death. (In my last book, Truth, Triumph, and Transformation, I wrote about the need to release deep and difficult feelings in order to stay healthy, as well as to project a truly magnetic life-force energy. If you think that ignoring difficult experiences will make your energy more positive, think again. I nearly died doing that.)
Because of that ongoing bronchial infection, I thought I’d have to cancel a trip to a conference in London. A few weeks before my departure, however, I seemed to get much better, and the doctor said it would be okay to go ahead with my plans.
Halfway through my flight across the Atlantic Ocean, I noticed that my breathing was becoming more labored. By the time I reached my London hotel, I was in respiratory distress. I’d taken all my medicine, but it didn’t seem to be helping much. I thought I’d feel better if I could drink some hot tea and immerse myself in hot water, so I filled the bathtub as high as I could and made sure that my chest was completely submerged.
Although this technique had worked for me in the past, I was still suffering and seemed to be getting worse. I was breathing so shallowly that it felt as if I wasn’t getting any air at all. I saw my face in the mirror across from the bathtub, and I noticed that my lips had begun to turn blue. It was at that moment that I realized I could die. I tried to get out of the tub to call for help, but I didn’t have enough strength to sit up.
My first thought was that I couldn’t let myself die in this foreign land, so far away from my family. But as I struggled unsuccessfully for oxygen, I finally let go, thinking that if it were my destiny to pass on in this place, then that would have to be okay.
As soon as I gave up my resistance, I felt my life force shoot through the top of my head—my crown chakra. I was speeding across a vast black field, heading toward a pinpoint of light in the distance. I remember remarking to myself that it wasn’t a dark tunnel as most people reported, but a wide, black expanse. And as I looked around, I saw light beings on either side of me heading in the same direction, speeding to their own pinpoints of light. I remember thinking, Oh, they must be dying, too.
It was only a moment before I found myself in a beautiful, light-filled space, standing on a ridge above a glistening river. When I started to take in the scene around me, I noticed that to my left was the same guide who’d taken me to the realm between lifetimes in my dream more than 20 years earlier. We communicated as we had then—not through speech, but through thoughts.
He didn’t have to tell me where I was, however. I knew that I was at the passageway between physical life and death. The glistening river lay before us; and on the opposite bank, a group of people were waiting for me. My father was standing next to his mother, along with other family members and friends who’d passed on, including my great-grandparents. There were also beloved pets, as well as other people and animals I didn’t recognize. Somehow I knew that they were soul companions from previous lifetimes, coming to greet me again.
As soon as I saw my father standing there, I desperately longed to go to him. Because he had died in a car accident, I never had the chance to say good-bye; and I never really got over his death. Looking at him across that river, I felt our deep connection renewed. I knew that we could communicate through our thoughts, and I told him how much I missed him. He responded that he was always with me. I longed to go to him, and somehow I knew that I could easily step off the ledge and pass over the river to the other side.
I felt so compelled to be with him that I didn’t know what to do, and I struggled with the decision for what seemed like a very long time. I kept looking from my father’s face to my guide, wondering what I should do. When I again told my father that I wanted to be with him, he assured me that we’d be together very soon. This shocked me and I thought, Well, if I’m going to die soon, I might as well just pass over now.
When my father heard that thought, he responded, If you do go back, it will seem like a long time until we’re back together; but trust me, it will just be the blink of an eye in real time.
Although this confused me, it also soothed me somewhat. I knew it was time to make my decision—and I was free to go either way. I also knew that once I passed over that river, I wouldn’t be able to return in my present identity and body.
In my confusion, I turned to the guide standing next to me once more. He looked at me and told me, You know you have more to do this time around.
I realized he was right, and I was about to repeat his sentiment: Yes, I know I have more to do, but I couldn’t get the entire statement out.
As soon as I began to think, Yes, I know . . . , I immediately snapped out of that place and travelled in an instant back to my own body. The energy of my soul returning to my physical form was so rapid that it seemed to slam into my body, causing water to splash out of the bathtub.
I lay there in stunned silence, trying to take in the whole experience. I knew that one decisive moment had directed my destiny back to this plane. I understood that it had been the right thing to do, yet I was sad that I didn’t have a chance to say good-bye to my father one last time. I felt his presence with me, however, and I knew I would see him again “soon” in real time. I also felt the arms of my grandmother—his mother—around me. She’d suffered from asthma her entire life, and I could feel her bringing me strength and healing.
Slowly—very slowly—I started to breathe more deeply. I don’t know how long I stayed there, but by the time I was able to lift myself out of the tub, the water had turned very cold. I staggered to bed and bundled up, and as I gathered the covers around me, I felt the love of many spirits there, too. I fell asleep knowing that a healing was taking place, and I was certain that my life would never be the same.
Through regression and dreams, I have, on many occasions, visited timeless places. The most compelling and life-changing event, however, was when I had a near-death experience.
My father had died a few years earlier, and because I was unable to accept or deal with his passing, I’d completely depleted my immune system. The condition I developed, Common Variable Immune Deficiency (CVID), caused me to be prone to chronic infections, some of which were so virulent that they were totally debilitating. For six months straight, I experienced a terrible virus that inflamed my lungs and gave me ongoing asthma and sinus problems.
It was a serious condition, and I hadn’t realized that it was related to internalizing my grief and rage over my father’s death. (In my last book, Truth, Triumph, and Transformation, I wrote about the need to release deep and difficult feelings in order to stay healthy, as well as to project a truly magnetic life-force energy. If you think that ignoring difficult experiences will make your energy more positive, think again. I nearly died doing that.)
Because of that ongoing bronchial infection, I thought I’d have to cancel a trip to a conference in London. A few weeks before my departure, however, I seemed to get much better, and the doctor said it would be okay to go ahead with my plans.
Halfway through my flight across the Atlantic Ocean, I noticed that my breathing was becoming more labored. By the time I reached my London hotel, I was in respiratory distress. I’d taken all my medicine, but it didn’t seem to be helping much. I thought I’d feel better if I could drink some hot tea and immerse myself in hot water, so I filled the bathtub as high as I could and made sure that my chest was completely submerged.
Although this technique had worked for me in the past, I was still suffering and seemed to be getting worse. I was breathing so shallowly that it felt as if I wasn’t getting any air at all. I saw my face in the mirror across from the bathtub, and I noticed that my lips had begun to turn blue. It was at that moment that I realized I could die. I tried to get out of the tub to call for help, but I didn’t have enough strength to sit up.
My first thought was that I couldn’t let myself die in this foreign land, so far away from my family. But as I struggled unsuccessfully for oxygen, I finally let go, thinking that if it were my destiny to pass on in this place, then that would have to be okay.
As soon as I gave up my resistance, I felt my life force shoot through the top of my head—my crown chakra. I was speeding across a vast black field, heading toward a pinpoint of light in the distance. I remember remarking to myself that it wasn’t a dark tunnel as most people reported, but a wide, black expanse. And as I looked around, I saw light beings on either side of me heading in the same direction, speeding to their own pinpoints of light. I remember thinking, Oh, they must be dying, too.
It was only a moment before I found myself in a beautiful, light-filled space, standing on a ridge above a glistening river. When I started to take in the scene around me, I noticed that to my left was the same guide who’d taken me to the realm between lifetimes in my dream more than 20 years earlier. We communicated as we had then—not through speech, but through thoughts.
He didn’t have to tell me where I was, however. I knew that I was at the passageway between physical life and death. The glistening river lay before us; and on the opposite bank, a group of people were waiting for me. My father was standing next to his mother, along with other family members and friends who’d passed on, including my great-grandparents. There were also beloved pets, as well as other people and animals I didn’t recognize. Somehow I knew that they were soul companions from previous lifetimes, coming to greet me again.
As soon as I saw my father standing there, I desperately longed to go to him. Because he had died in a car accident, I never had the chance to say good-bye; and I never really got over his death. Looking at him across that river, I felt our deep connection renewed. I knew that we could communicate through our thoughts, and I told him how much I missed him. He responded that he was always with me. I longed to go to him, and somehow I knew that I could easily step off the ledge and pass over the river to the other side.
I felt so compelled to be with him that I didn’t know what to do, and I struggled with the decision for what seemed like a very long time. I kept looking from my father’s face to my guide, wondering what I should do. When I again told my father that I wanted to be with him, he assured me that we’d be together very soon. This shocked me and I thought, Well, if I’m going to die soon, I might as well just pass over now.
When my father heard that thought, he responded, If you do go back, it will seem like a long time until we’re back together; but trust me, it will just be the blink of an eye in real time.
Although this confused me, it also soothed me somewhat. I knew it was time to make my decision—and I was free to go either way. I also knew that once I passed over that river, I wouldn’t be able to return in my present identity and body.
In my confusion, I turned to the guide standing next to me once more. He looked at me and told me, You know you have more to do this time around.
I realized he was right, and I was about to repeat his sentiment: Yes, I know I have more to do, but I couldn’t get the entire statement out.
As soon as I began to think, Yes, I know . . . , I immediately snapped out of that place and travelled in an instant back to my own body. The energy of my soul returning to my physical form was so rapid that it seemed to slam into my body, causing water to splash out of the bathtub.
I lay there in stunned silence, trying to take in the whole experience. I knew that one decisive moment had directed my destiny back to this plane. I understood that it had been the right thing to do, yet I was sad that I didn’t have a chance to say good-bye to my father one last time. I felt his presence with me, however, and I knew I would see him again “soon” in real time. I also felt the arms of my grandmother—his mother—around me. She’d suffered from asthma her entire life, and I could feel her bringing me strength and healing.
Slowly—very slowly—I started to breathe more deeply. I don’t know how long I stayed there, but by the time I was able to lift myself out of the tub, the water had turned very cold. I staggered to bed and bundled up, and as I gathered the covers around me, I felt the love of many spirits there, too. I fell asleep knowing that a healing was taking place, and I was certain that my life would never be the same.
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